Trust, loyalty and leaving

Not sure if I can write this, or even if I should be....

I have a problem sometimes of interrupting people, and it bothers me when I do it...I get really frustrated at myself, which in turn makes me look stand offish. I sometimes wish I could just know social cues...and not feel so stupid...because even with intelligence, you can come across as the biggest moron in the whole damn world.
Lately I have reached such a high I seriously cannot sleep, eat or even be bothered to read...this is frustrating me too..The calmers I am on, are not making me so calm. I really hate been like this, people out there have so much worse shit than me, that I feel truly a moody bitch. I wish I didn't get this way.

I kid myself that I am coping ok, I wing it daily, and often am screaming inside that much, I feel sick. I do not know how to handle this on my own...and what some of you don't realise is I am doing just that, I am here with just my daughter, my parents live 156 miles away, and have enough stress with my 3 sisters...I have never ever asked them to be at my beck and call and never would. I have no true friends in my real life, they are mainly people who either use me, or I just bother with when I need company. I never open up to these people. The one person I did open up to in my real life..well I argued with so much that I kind of backed away. I do not have an on going support system in my real life...maybe my mum, as I talk to her everyday. But in a weird way I have one friend that I turn to so much, that I am beginning to push him away. I got mad at him yesterday because he was happy a website he used to love opened back up, he too had had a shitty day, his pops is ill and he's shy and won't let his anger out. So the one person who cheers him up made him feel like shit, and I feel a complete bitch for that...He's one of the bestest friends I have ever had, times when he's been busy he's dropped that, to help me through a mood I am going through, First is loyal, yet I doubt this often. He sticks around through some of the bad shit, yet i doubt him. This is a lot of pressure for someone, so I want to thank him for putting up with my shit. We have a friend called Alucard, he always cheers us up with his links to crazy youtube stuff....without these two guys in my life some nights I would probably just be worse than I already am. My mum sometimes teases us all, and she makes Al shit himself with her temper hehe (sorry Al) These 3 are my solid support network. Sad I guess to some of you, but to me, I go through a day knowing I can bug any one of them with a problem, and by the end of it I'm laughing.
I am scared they will leave me, because for the last 5 weeks, I have become close to everyone, that I am scared like most people, they will bugger off. This is a mega issue for me. And I am starting to push them away...and I know it. *shakes head* I know both Al and First by their real names, but when I chat about them I feel using their usernames is better, as you lot can be really nosey!
I trust these guys, because they don't ever ask me for anything except my time and acceptance...and I feel accepted by them.
First one day we will get your anger out! And remember you're loved dearly, and you're the best friend a girl needs...and how you put up with the female mood swings I will never ever know! Al you are the most shyiest gentleman I have ever met, and you understand my crazy like for harvest moon, I like you very much, you are the rock and calmer one out of all of us. You two are fantastic for me. And roll on Al's days off...because First and I need more links lol

This is more to my Mum, First and Al, because without them I wouldn't be as stable as I am at the moment. I feel much affection right now...I think it's the meds to be honest...business will resume as normal next week :P